The 27 Non-Functioning Parts of a Man
A man has 27 parts that don't work for him.
20 nails that don't nail
1 belly button that doesn't button
2 tits that don't milk
1 cock that doesn't crow
2 balls that don't bounce
1 ass that doesn't do any work
So what are you women smiling at?
We have a pussy that doesn't catch mice!
I know I know I know......
" Nine Important Men In A Woman's Life"
Her Doctor; he says, "Take your clothes off."
Her Dentist; he says, "Open wide."
Her Veterinarian; he says, "And how is your little pussy doing today?"
Her Gardener; he says, "Do you want me to mulch your bush?"
Her Hairdresser; he says, "Do you want it teased or blown?"
Her Interior Decorator; he says, "You'll like it once it's in."
Her Remodeler; he says, "It fits tongue-in-groove with a little hammering."
Her Milkman; he says, "Do you want it in front or in back?"
Her Banker; he says, "If you take it out, you'll lose interest."
The 5 Kinds of Sex
Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon; you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.
Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you'll have sex anywhere, anytime. Hence, also in the kitchen.
Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.
Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Fuck you!"
Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your husband fucks you in front of everyone in court.
If Men Got Pregnent........
Maternity leave would last two years....with full pay.
There would be a cure for stretch marks.
Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.
All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
They wouldn't think twins were so cute.
Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.
Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.
They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entree's.
Women would rule the world.
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.